Living Through Death
by Colin Creevey
Summary: Zack and Cody lived a peaceful life, full of laughter and funny points they could look back on when they're older and tell their grandchildren about. However, nothing lasts forever. Not all lives are that way. Some start good, but end twisted.
1. Chapter 1

**Living through Death**

**Chapter 1: How It All Began **

I'm usually not the one to tell stories and then put into writing in the exact words. Those kinds of stories are like the Narnia books by C.S. Lewis, or those usual children stories that begin with 'Once upon a time,' and maybe end with, 'And they lived happily ever after.' This story does not begin with that phase, but I'll be honest and say it begins and end like a child's story, but chapters in between will be like any other on this site.

This story is about Zack trying to live through what happened in his life from day one till the end of his childhood and further. You can consider this any category you like; General, Drama, Angst, Suspense, and even Horror, as long as it's NOT Humor or Romance. Me, I choose to let this go in the combination of Suspense/Drama.

I chose this because every story is horror if it has death in it. There's always the frightening thought of your favorite character dying; books and movies like Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, and even Harry Potter can be thrown into that category. The Matrix and X-Men could be considered as well.

General is normal in my point of view, and this story will NOT be normal unless you compare it with the saddest story possible with the saddest beginning possible, the kind of story that throws you into a never-ending world of fear, fear that the ending might not be all flying butterflies and marriage and possibly few kids, the usual mushy stuff, 'Will you marry me?' 'Oh, of course I will!' SMOOCH!

BULL CRAP!

Angst is the only thing that MIGHT be replaced with Suspense or Drama by a reader.

Drama is the category I chose because it's sadness itself, the opposite of comedy, the very thing which creates fear in stories. The very thing I need in this story. The very thing you'll, as usual, hate in this story.

Suspense is there because there WILL be suspense for you, the main character, and anyone around him.

Romance is something that will be a bit of a point in the story, but if I put it as a category, readers would think, 'Oh just another Romeo/Juliet type story. Zack loves Maddie, (face it, they won't get together,) and Maddie loves Zack. Their parents hate each other. Some crying, boo hoo, and then Zack commits suicide and Maddie follows and everyone's sad in this dramatic story of undying love.

As for Humor, once you read this story, you'll see Humor doesn't even exist. It doesn't have a place here!

Of course, why not Suspense/Romance? Because people might still get the idea of a Romeo/Juliet type story and if they don't, still, Romance is not the most important point. Zack is trying to live through something. Love, which is the most powerful power on earth, will have to team with Time, the real power, if Zack's wounds will be healed. The question is can it happen. Can even the deepest wounds be healed; the darkest memories of your past; the unfortunate sobs of yourself who got something you didn't deserve to have, unless you committed murder? Can Zack's wound be healed? How can it be healed? If so, how will it be healed? If not, why can't it be healed?

I won't tell you how this story ends; I won't even tell what the whole story behind it is. All I'll tell you is that if you need to compare this beginning with a story you think you might've read or a movie you might've seen, I advise you to watch Lemony Snicket's: Series of Unfortunate Events and pay close attention to the beginning.

However, there's one thing different between these two stories. You wanna know? Well sorry, but I'm not about to tell you. You'll know if you possess three important tools for reading; eyesight, brains, and patience!

Eyesight for reading the frigging words on the paper, brains for putting two and two together, and patience for the long-awaited ending to come.

All the episodes you see, I see, everyone sees, show the twins so happy and cheerful, and then in sticky situations, and then out again thanks to Cody or Maddie and sometimes their mom who'll ground them at the end.

'_Hey sweet thang," _Zack would say everyday to Maddie.

And then of course, Maddie would answer back, like in one episode, _'Some of the candy on this shelf is older than you.'_

Or Cody, like he did once, would run from a forceful girl called Agnes. Cody was always the quiet one who knows nothing of ghetto or whatever world Zack lives in.

Zack meanwhile, was the kind of kid you'd see hitting on Maddie unless there's some hot, sexy beast around in which case, he'd say something like, _'Hey good lookin', what's a hot, sexy beast like you doing in a dump like this lobby? Come my sweet, I'll take you up to my other suite.'_

One thing you forget about twins, (or maybe you don't forget, but the makers of the show don't go too much into this matter,) Twins, like all siblings, fight! Zack and Cody were fighting one day, but something happened. Something not one person would like. Something that would turn Zack's happy, cheerful world completely up-side-down, and then twist it into a weird shape so that there's so many rough spots called knots.

What is it, you ask? Sorry, I'm still not telling. You need the three requirements for reading I mentioned above.

Enjoy the story! If you can!


	2. Chapter 2

**Living through Death**

**Chapter 2: Stage One Denial **

These days Zackary Martin could be found sitting alone on a bench at school during recess. If you found him during class hours, you wouldn't find him studying, but daydreaming in class, completely blind and deaf to all going around him.

People were wondering why it was that not one tear made its way down Zack's face after what happened. Everyone knew and everyone was told to keep quiet about it. Zack wasn't even hanging out with his two best friends Max and Tapeworm, but completely neglected them. Neither blamed him, they'd have done the same thing if they were in Zack's shoes.

Zack took a bite from a brownie. It's been a mere day since it happened. Last night, Cody seemed to be dead. He knew he'd get what he lost back though. Carey actually tried insisting that Zack stay home, otherwise spend the day at the hospital.

No, Cody wasn't dead. He didn't die. It was just a light hit. It was just a bump. Zack managed to convince himself that Cody would come walking out of the hospital any day. He didn't even here of any funeral yet. It had to mean something. It could not be three days and Cody would still be lying in a hospital bed. He had to be alive. The doctors were just playing rotten a joke. He didn't much like them anyway and showed it, so they'd have a reason to scare him wouldn't they?

He was ready to laugh out loud any time when Carey told him it was a gag. He was ready to laugh with the doctors and Cody like it was an early April Fool Joke. As a matter of fact, the first of April was just few days before the incident happened. Maybe they were sore that Zack couldn't be fooled and decided to get him back.

Feet from Zack's bent figure stood two kids, a boy and a girl.

"If you care about him, you go talk to him," Tapeworm said.

"You're closer to him," Max protested.

"No, you're closer," Tapeworm corrected. _"I _was closer to Cody and he's GONE!"

Max shook her head in annoyance and walked towards Zack.

"Hey, Zack, can we talk," Max asked uncertainly.

"Sure," Zack said, moving aside for Max. "Where's Tapeworm?"

This was not a normal way for a twin to take his loss. Why wasn't he yelling at her out of temper? She actually expected him to tell her to go away and leave him alone. Why wasn't he doing so?

"So, are you Ok?" Max asked calmly. She was ready for any outburst of Zack's that might occur.

"Of course, why wouldn't' I be?" Zack asked Max.

"Zack, in case you haven't noticed, Cody… Zack, aren't you upset in any way?"

"Oh," Zack laughed. "Max, its obvious Cody's alive. It's so obvious. It's so plain. That had to be the lightest hit I ever saw. A bay wouldn't die from that."

Max was outraged. How could Zack take it like this? He was completely denying Cody's recent death.

As for Zack, he held one thing he considered undeniable proof that Cody was alive. He still had to apologize for what he said. Cody could not be taken away from him until Zack had apologized. He just didn't consider the fact this was real life, and not a tragic movie.


	3. Chapter 3

**Living through Death**

**Chapter 3: Stage Two Bargaining **

Zack walked in the hospital after school, due to London driving him. He wanted to see his brother again. Carey was still there, not being able to leave Cody's side till his body was removed. When Zack walked in, he faced his mom across the room.

"Zack, are you Ok?" Carey asked tearfully.

"Mom, why are you crying?" Zack asked.

"Zack, my son is dead!" Carey said, a bit more loudly and impatiently. Why didn't Zack understand his twin was not coming back?

"He can't be dead," Zack argued. "I still have to settle our argument with him. He can't go now and I think it's a rotten trick you're playing on me."

"I can't listen to this!" Carey said, running from the room.

She obviously can't make a fake cry as good, so she has to leave covering her eyes, Zack though.

Another part of him however suddenly came alive and battled the insane side. _Zack, Cody is dead._

_He can't be dead, he just can't._

_He is!_

_He isn't!_

_Zack, this isn't television. It doesn't matter if you were in a fight or not._

_It does._

_Being in a fight doesn't make a man immortal till it's solved. _

_Surely Cody would hang on. He'd want it to end if it was up to him. _

_Do you possess the strength to hang on if you were hit as hard as that?_

_It would make it my fault, and no one knows._

_Cody always told you life was cruel. _

_He would never die on me._

_Remember when he was in Math Camp, Zack. It was then when you realized you will be apart one day. _

_Yeah, and speaking of that day, that little twin telepathy thing tells me he's alive!_

_That little twin telepathy of yours told you he was in trouble, and he wasn't._

_One mistake and I never forget it? He's alive. He can't die. He is immortal when he's in a fight with me. Life can't be that cruel. Cody isn't always right. _

It was then when Zack realized he was acting immature and childish. Cody was right on that. No man is immortal. Life can be cruel, and Cody was dead.

_I swear, if he can just pull through and survive, I'll never make a problem with him again. _Zack found himself praying. _Please, let him survive. Let there be a mistake. Please let him pull through. _


	4. Chapter 4

**Living through Death**

**Chapter 4: In Between the Stages **

_A/N: There are actually three stages of grief, Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. Now, most psychologists don't count Anger and Depression, but just see them as phases in between the three stages. Zack already went through Denial and Bargaining. He skipped Anger, as some do skip stages of grief. However, 'angrily' bargaining with himself might be counted as Anger and Bargaining. Now, he's in between stages two and three, which is called Depression. This is where the whole story begins. Enjoy!_

Zack kept his eyes on Cody's limp form. It couldn't be true. Cody couldn't possibly be dead. He had to be alive. If he was dead, how would Zack live with himself? Cody was his twin, and he shared a bond with him. Basically, Cody was all Zack had. Take Cody away and Zack was nothing.

Zack wiped his eyes, trying to stop the tears from coming, trying to stop himself from bursting into tears endlessly as he knew he would end up doing if he wasn't strong, just as Cody wanted him to be. He smiled at the thought of his twin telling him to stay calm. For some reason, when he smiled, he felt his spirits lift slightly. He felt hope rise. He wanted Cody to wake up. Hopefully, he felt Cody's chest, expecting to hear a heartbeat, a little slow, a little faint, but still there.

Sadly, there was none. He felt Cody's hand, moved his own hand over Cody's lifeless face, and kissed his brother's forehead. Cody showed all signs of death. He was pale, cold, and lifeless for days, no signs of movement or heartbeat. Zack had to believe it. There was no denying it and it was stupid to do so. Cody was dead.

It was amazing when Carey came in to tell him the funeral was to take place the next day. Zack didn't even cry, but nodded silently, and placed his head in his mother's arms.


	5. Chapter 5

**Living through Death**

**Chapter 5: The Wound that will Never Heal **

Zack sat down for the funeral. Carey sat on his left. On Zack's right was Max. Tapeworm was seated behind them. All their classmates were seated not far from Zack, but he didn't care.

None talked to Zack, who kept his eyes on Cody's form. A man dressed in black walked over to it, and carried it over to the box. This was it, it was over. Cody's life was claimed by the heavens and Zack will never talk, play, or even see him again.

A truck beeped and out came Kurt and even his band. Kurt looked through the crowd and spotted Carey. He hurried over to her. To Zack's surprise, and sorrow, Carey took one look at him, and hugged him. She kept her face in his shoulder. He patted her on the back, tears running down his cheeks. Cody would've loved to see this. Zack remembered one Christmas when Kurt visited and Cody thought they were getting back together, just because they were hugging and dancing while singing. It was this memory when countless tears escaped from Zack's eyes. He tried desperately to avoid crying out loud. He didn't want to embarrass himself, even though at this time, it would be natural.

"Zack," Max whispered. She was the first one who talked to him, even before Carey, who kept her eyes buried in Kurt's shoulder.

Zack couldn't answer back. He felt that if he spoke, he'd burst into uncontrollable tears.

"Zack, it's alright, let it out," Max said gently. "I'm very sorry."

Zack opened his mouth and turned to Max. She looked hopeful. She wanted to hear him talk. He couldn't make a sound though. He didn't want to end up in Max's shoulders like his mom in Kurt's.

"Zack, if you don't want to talk, don't," Tapeworm told him reassuringly. "But please, know your friends are here for you."

Zack still didn't speak. He didn't know if he'd ever speak again. As a matter of fact, he didn't know if he'd ever feel cheerful again. Would he ever smile again? Would he ever even laugh again? He doubted it, as does everyone when they lose something dear to them. In Zack's case however, he lost someone close to him, someone he had a fight with before death. The problem was he never made up with him. Would Cody ever forgive him?

Slowly, Zack began to see it was no fight. When Cody was in bed, his last words to Zack were ones Zack would never forget. Perhaps they were words he'd use himself one day to his own kids. Cody didn't hate Zack, but Zack hated himself, because he never apologized. He wanted to when he found out Cody's problem, but he thought Cody would pull through.


	6. Chapter 6

**Living through Death**

**Chapter 6: Back in School **

As usual, Zack sat at the bench. By now, most of his friends stopped talking to him. It was his fault. He refused to talk to anybody, even Max and Tapeworm, who stayed with him.

During class hours, he either stayed in the classroom, being more inattentive than usual, or stayed in the bathroom.

In class, nothing happened. He kept looking over at Cody's old seat to make sure he was taking notes for Zack to use later, before he remember the dreadful truth. Cody was dead.

He washed his face constantly, trying hard to keep tears in. Every time they came out, he'd hold it back with all his might, and wash the remaining off. It was like being at war with his tears.

He looked at himself in the mirror. It was like looking at his twin, so that he found himself saying, "Cody, if you can hear me, I'm sorry ok? I'm sorry! You know I don't mean these things. You're my brother. You're my twin. I love you more than life itself. I love you more than I could ever love Maddie." After he said this, he realized Maddie was a thing of the past. Everything that ever mattered to him disappeared since Cody died. A part of him always knew it would end like this. The way he kept treating Cody, he just took brotherhood for granted. "I love you Cody! Come back, and I swear I'll treat you better!" He started going back to the bargaining stage for a bit, and then went back to depression. "If you're dead, let me know, somehow, that you're happy."

_But I am happy Zack, _something in his head said. _I'm a lot happier than you could imagine. _

"Cody, come back," Zack yelled out loud. "I'll do anything! Just come back! I don't want you dead!"

_I know._

"I can't live without you, little brother!" Zack yelled, oblivious to the possibility people might hear him and he might embarrass himself.

_You have to_

"CODY!" Zack screamed. He fell on the floor, screaming for few seconds before blacking out.

_Please Zack, get a hold of yourself! Stay in control for me, for your little brother?_

_I can't._

_I beg you Zack._

_Come back my twin._

_You know I'd like to, I can't._

_Then I can't. It's impossible. _

It would've happened. Zack would've had his breakdown. He would've burst into uncontrollable tears. He actually would've screamed in pain and agony. He didn't. At this point, tears would've won over him, but Zack ended up fainting.

"It isn't the end, Zack," Tapeworm said.

They stayed at school, sitting on the bench where and when no one could disturb them. But it _was _the end. Tapeworm didn't understand. He found himself wondering if Max understood what he was feeling.

"I know its depression, but maybe you'll get over it," Max said.

This was a lie. _Maybe _he'd get over it? No, how could anyone forget about something like this. The last thing he ever said to his little brother was that he hated him and he hated having him as a twin. None of them understood.

"Max, he _will _get over it," Tapeworm corrected.

No, both were wrong. He would _never _get over it. There again was Tapeworm, thinking Zack this was ordinary depression. He knew Max was closer to the truth than Tapeworm, but Zack resented the fact no one knew exactly how he felt.

"No, both of you are wrong, I will _never _get over it," Zack said, swallowing a sob. He took a deep breath, _"Never." _


	7. Chapter 7

**Living through Death**

**Chapter 7: The Note Home **

_A/N: Ok, this is a review reply to FudgeBrownie. You are very smart. A bump doesn't always necessarily mean a car collision or a literal bump on the head. He might've been sick, but again, I won't say, except this; how the hell did you know that? Smart genius I'm dealing with here, I ought to be more secretive next time. As for Cody communicating, you got it wrong. They are not talking to each other, or Zack wouldn't be as depressed. This kind of thing occurs even in reality when grieving for someone lost. I remember grieving for a lost uncle of mine, and I could almost see and hear him talking to me, telling me it'll be ok. It's basically Zack's mind that's telling him all these things. It's Zack's conscience speaking in Cody's voice. It's Zack's mind telling him it'll be ok._

_Dear Ms. Martin,_

_I am writing to you about your son, Zack, who though I understand his reasons, is not being attentive in class. He is usually more attentive than this, and that's saying something. I have been very concerned about his attention. He'd talk to his friends, but ended up yelling at me when I tried talking. I think you should meet me at the school; we'll have lunch at the school cafeteria and talk over what we should do with him. I am considering moving him out of school until he's ready. _

_His teacher,_

_Mrs. Green _

Zack looked over the note at his mom, who was frowning, "Zack, I know Cody's death has been hard on you, but the last thing we need now is for you to be a typical High School dropout."

"I don't care," Zack mumbled, turning to his room.

"Zack, what would Cody have thought?" Carey called after him.

Even though Zack appeared to have ignored it, it got him thinking. What would Cody have said about a dropout? He would've yelled at Zack. He would never have forgiven him. Zack hated school, but he didn't want to make Cody upset. Then again, how would he know? He was gone.

Zack lay on his back, tears spilling out of his eyes thinking about Cody. He just wanted his brother back. He'd do anything. He'd give anything to relive the life he used to live. Not for the first time, he found himself saying, "Come back Cody. Come back and I'll be your slave if I have to. I'll help _you _with _your _homework."

Zack fell asleep thinking that exact line, resulting in a dream of Cody and Zack together again, pulling pranks like they used to. They couldn't do that anymore. It was finished. It was over. As Cody would've said, everything has an end. The end however, came too soon for Zack. Why did it have to be so soon? Why couldn't he have died first? Why did Cody go? If Zack had known Cody wasn't as healthy as originally thought, he would've never treated Cody the way he did. Now, it was too late.


	8. Chapter 8

**Living through Death**

**Chapter 8: One Bit of Consolation **

Alone, Zack sat, in the park. He didn't mean to walk there, he just went through one of the times when you're daydreaming while walking, and then you end up somewhere you didn't mean to go. When he found himself in the park, he decided to just sit down. He didn't pay attention to the kids on the playground, but he couldn't help noticing two kids chasing each other, playing catch. Two brothers were rolling on the ground once one was caught. It made Zack's eyes fill with tears and look away.

"Hey, Zack," someone said to him calmly.

Zack didn't pay attention. He kept his eyes fixed on the bench he sat on.

"Zack, talk to me," the voice said again.

Zack looked away from the figure. He didn't know nor care who it was. It sounded like Max, but he was tired of talking to people.

"Are you gonna talk to me, Zack?" she asked, quite sternly, but a tone of pleading at the same time.

He gave up. He looked away from the tree he tried staring at determinedly to face Max. "What're you doing here?"

"That's exactly what I wanted to ask."

"Well, it's not a crime to sit anywhere, where I can be alone," Zack answered.

"Cool, then maybe I'll sit with you," Max said happily. She sat closely beside him. Zack didn't care. He didn't care about anything anymore. "Now, maybe you'll talk to me?"

"Whatever," he groaned.

"Zack, I'm truly, very sorry," Max said. "Tapeworm and I have been really worried about you."

"So"-

"So, we care!" Max said firmly and a little bit angrily. "You've been cutting yourself off from the whole world. Cody wouldn't want that."

"Cody didn't want anything that happened to him," Zack answered. He looked ready to cry. He screwed up his face so he wouldn't, but Max noticed.

"You gonna ever let it out?" she asked, a bit more calmly.

"I-I don't w-w-want to," Zack stuttered.

"I want to make you feel better," Max said, now very sweetly. It was not at all like her to talk in this tone. She put her arm around him.

Feeling Max's arm around his shoulder made Zack feel better than he ever felt in days. If he cried, it would be out of a combination of happiness and great grief. "No," he whispered to himself.

_Zack and Cody were running home. _

"_Come on slowpoke, I thought you were faster," Zack called behind him. _

_Cody was trying to keep up. "I… can't… go… any… faster," he panted. "Zack… you win… let me… stop… for… breathe."_

_Zack turned around. Cody was in the middle of the street. Zack ran to support him. "If you're so tired, just tell me."_

"_I… did," Cody panted. He was sweating consistently and consecutively. _

"_It's ok, it's just running and sweat, it's normal," Zack said calmly. He walked back to the sidewalk, thinking Cody was behind him. Before he turned around to make sure, he heard a loud beep and a scream. He spun round to watch a big truck rolling towards Cody, trying to lose speed. _

"_CODY, run back!" Zack yelled. _

_Cody looked behind him. He took notice of the truck, and began running. Before he could go more than few steps, the truck caught up. _

"_CODY, NOOOOOOOOOO!" Zack yelled. He prayed Cody would be fine. The truck, before it hit, lost some speed though, and that's what saved him. All Cody felt was a small push and he fell back. All the breath was knocked out of him. Zack ran up, and so did the driver. _

"_Cody, you ok man?" _

"_He'll be alright," the driver said. "You two should remember to look both ways when on the street."_

"_Yeah we know, but my twin," Zack began. _

"_He's just unconscious," the driver assured him. _

_Zack helped Cody up. Cody placed his arms around his neck and Zack supported him to the Tipton. _

"_That was a close one," Zack said quietly. _

"_Yeah… Zack, I don't feel so good."_

"_What do you mean," Zack asked, surprised. "You just need rest and a drink, and you'll be fine."_

_Cody fainted again. _


	9. Chapter 9

**Living through Death**

**Chapter 9: The Breakdown **

"So, he survived the truck," Max got straight.

Zack nodded. He tried to go further, but he couldn't.

"Zack, you can let it out, please," Max pleaded.

Zack shook his head. He didn't want to remember. He couldn't. He tried his best to keep the tears in. Max hugged him, as tightly as Carey ever did. Feeling her again made things worse in a way.

It was one of those times when you feel miserable, and someone you love is holding you tight, showing you he/she cares. It just increases the difficulty of restraining yourself.

It was too emotional for him. Before Max knew it, he screamed. The noise was superb. She never knew he could yell like that, but now was definitely not the time to say so. He fell on the ground. Zack kept at it for a whole minute, and after the screaming came a waterfall of tears. Watching made Max want to cry as well. She asked him to let it out, but not like this. She hated watching her friend cry in misery and sorrow.

"I… w-want it t-t-to… end!" Zack sobbed. "I hate this. I hate my life. I'll do ANYTHING!"

"Zack, you can stop now," Max said quietly, feeling meek and stupid.

"AAAAAARRRRRR!" he screamed more.

Max got off the bench and sat on the ground with the screaming Zack on the floor. She helped him up, in a sit. She guessed it helped a bit. He was now sobbing uncontrollably. She held him stable, so he wouldn't fall on the ground again. "Oh, Max, help me, please."

"I'm here, I'm sorry, I swear I'm sorry," Max whispered.

Zack shifted sideways. He held his head in Max's chest, still crying. He was shifting uncontrollably. Eventually, he let out another scream. This wasn't it. He felt like banging something. He wanted to smash something to bits. Since he couldn't, he held on tightly to Max.

"Calm down, tell me what happened, if it makes you feel better," Max said calmly and quietly.

This helped a great deal more. Zack stopped for a bit and started talking. When he talked, he was still stuttering, and took great gasps during the pauses. He took the kind of gasps you usually take after you've had a huge cry.

"A-after the… t-truck hit… he f-f-fainted," Zack stuttered. "I t-t-took him upstairs and… l-l-l-l-let him lay down. M-my mom came in, and… sh-she nearly screamed in… w-w-worry. Mom t-took him to the hospital…. It was w-worse than we th-th-thought. He had… he had…"

"What did he die from, if it wasn't the truck," Max asked.

"He died… from… c-c-c-c-can-cer."

"Sorry?"

"C-c-cancer," Zack repeated. "That's… why he was… sweating. We th-thought he was h-healthy. H-h-he had cancer. He was unhealthy, and I made him run. W-w-we were in a fight. Remember? I beat him for eating my sandwich, just because he was very hungry. I f-framed him, and got him in… detention. That was his… first detention… and I got him into it. I raced him to rub it in more. I n-n-never realized he was doing badly. I might've noticed. He ate it because he was unhealthy. We… d-didn't know!"

"You were in a fight," Max repeated. "You raced him to rub it in more. When you realized he had cancer, he died before you could apologize?"

_Cody lay in the bed. Zack came in the room, just in time to see his last moments. _

"_Zack, listen, I'm sorry ok?" Cody said weakly. _

_Zack shook his head, "No, Cody, I'm"-_

"_Zack, listen, be brave," Cody gasped. "Be brave, Zack."_

"_Cody, I need to tell you, I"-_

_Before he could finish, Cody closed his eyes slowly. Zack's words, "I'm sorry," was never heard by Cody._

He died before Zack got the chance. Now, Zack knew Cody had forgotten all about it, and just needed to tell him to be brave, to stay ok.

"He died, but his last words," Max said more to herself. Thinking about it made her cry a bit too. Zack burst into more tears when he finished. He couldn't go on anymore. He just wanted it to stop.

"Oh Zack, I'm so sorry," Max sobbed.

Zack just cried more loudly. His face was so red now, and eyes so puffy, it was a wonder he didn't go blind from all the water playing around in his eyes. But he couldn't go on. He wanted to die too. He wanted to see Cody again. He'd do anything to see Cody again. He wanted to hug him, and tell him he was sorry.

"He knows Zack, he knows how you feel," Max assured him, sadly.

"I loved him," Zack gasped a sob. "H-he showed me a lot more love then… I showed him, ever."

Max held her head firmly in place with one hand, and the other hand held his chest to hers. His eyes were very red and very puffy. Her eyes though, were normal. They were bright as well. She slowly blinked. Zack closed his when they got closer. Eventually, they ended up in a kiss. He wrapped his arms around her, and she did the same. He felt a bit better with the comfort she gave him. She stroked his smooth blond hair. They broke apart after several seconds, and he lay down. He sniffed, and said, "Thanks Max," before closing his eyes.

His chest was moving up and down consistently. His breathing was lighter than usual, like it always is when you sleep, which is why it is advised for you do so if you're in a state of misery. Max also fell beside him.

_A/N: This was going to be fifteen chapters, but I think I'll make it ten. Writer's block came because there isn't much more to talk about. Zack had the breakdown, he expressed his feelings, and that's the point. I dunno, maybe few chapters on him being older will do? I'm actually thinking about making it all a simple dream, but maybe that's too lame? When I decide, I'll update. I'm not sure if it'll be soon though. _

_R&R please, it might help. _


	10. Chapter 10

**Living through Death**

**Chapter 10: Another Note **

_Dear Ms. Martin,_

_Your son Zack has gotten an F on his last five tests, and a D- on his last fifteen quizzes since the beginning of the year. We know his situation is a tragedy, and it makes it difficult to concentrate, but this is why we are suggesting you move him out. He is no longer performing minor unacceptable grades, but major unacceptable grades, and he has to be moved out. I am sorry._

_His teacher, _

_Mrs. Green_

Carey slammed the letter on the table angrily. She looked at her only son left.

Zack sat across from her, arms folded.

"You dropped out, that's it?"

"What else can I do?" Zack challenged.

Carey said nothing. She left him and went to her room. Zack lay down on the couch and slept a bit.

In her room, Carey had to think things over.

This went too far. She thought Zack would get over it eventually, but he didn't. Worst, there was nothing she could do about it. Zack was miserable. There was nothing to do. He couldn't run around the hotel like he used to. He couldn't play arcade games downstairs. He could go for a swim. He couldn't even talk to anyone. Mr. Moseby ignored him, and even London tried to do something. Nothing could be done.

Wait, there was one solution. She couldn't do it, but she had to. Zack and Cody always thought Kurt was the fun parent, Zack especially. What if Carey sent Zack to Kurt for a time? Could he do anything? Yes, it was Kurt's weeks off. He was off career for a month, so maybe he could keep Zack for a month, and see if he could do something.

She left her room to tell Zack, only to find him asleep. "Zack, honey, sorry to disturb, but we need to talk."


	11. Chapter 11

**Living through Death**

**Chapter 11: The Talk **

"Zack, we need to talk," Carey said from the doorway of the room that used to belong to Zack and his twin. She found Zack sitting hunched on his bed. He looked up as Carey entered.

"What?"

Carey walked over and sat on the bed with him. She spoke on the softest voice she can make, "You have to leave."

"What!"

"Don't get it wrong Zack"-

"You're kicking me out? I'm your son!"

"Zack, calm down, it's temporary," Carey explained. "Your brother died, and I seem to remember you saying dad was the fun parent. I thought you could spend some time with him."

Zack was actually kind of happy to hear he could spend some time with Kurt. But there was one problem.

"He's always busy with his band, and we're always in the truck," Zack complained. "It was no good last time."

"I'll make sure he spends more time with you, 'cause he needs to," Carey reasoned. "You need someone to cheer you up a bit."

"Nothing can cheer me up," Zack said, tears forming again. His mouth went funny again, showing he was about to burst again, "Fine! I"-

He burst into more tears.

That was all Carey could get from him. He was too busy crying for the rest of the day. Carey left the room to call Kurt.


	12. Chapter 12

**Living through Death**

**Chapter 12: The Phone Call**

Carey speed-dialed Kurt and waited for ten seconds before it was answered. "Hello Kurt, this is Carey."

"Hi Carey, is everything going well?"

"No not really," Carey said sadly. "Zack is very upset, and rarely talks to anyone."

"Well Carey, Cody was his _twin," _Kurt replied after a while. "Of course he's upset."

"Kurt, it's been _weeks," _Carey pointed out angrily.

"No need to vent anger on _me," _Kurt said back. "Look, give him another month."

"Kurt, he dropped out of school!"

"So?"

"He's a dropout! Kurt, this wasn't supposed to happen. The family is so broken now. We're divorced, Cody's dead, and Zack is just… alone."

"Like I said, give him another month, and then call me and tell me what happens," Kurt advised. "I'm sure he'll go back to school and everything."

"Fat chance, but since he dropped out, I kind of had an idea," Carey said, a bit more quietly and calmly. "Are you still in Massachusetts?"

"Yes, but I'm leaving in three days."

"Do me a favor, come by and pick him up," Carey told him. "He likes hanging out with you. Maybe if you spent few months talking to him, he might see life a bit more cheerful. This is your area, I'm afraid."

"You want _me_ to take look after him?"

"Just for a month or so, when you can come back," Carey said quickly. "He said once you were the fun parent. This is your job. I need your help."

"Well, alright," Kurt gave in. "I'll come by, but give him time to say goodbye to his friends. I might not be back for another _few _months."

"Oh, thank you so much," Carey said thankfully.

"Just have him ready the day after tomorrow," Kurt said. "I'll pick him up on my way to New York."

"I will, thanks again, bye!"


	13. Chapter 13

**Living through Death**

**Chapter 13: Few Goodbyes**

Zack sat at the window sill, looking down to the Boston streets. Lately, he always got to think the what-if questions; what if Cody lived and they grew up together. They'd be walking down the Boston streets, perhaps for a drink with friends. What if Cody was never born? Zack would be happier, but thinking that hurt Zack and thought it a major insult to Cody's memory. He missed his brother, and knew he was never, ever going to seer him again.

He never conveyed his feelings to anyone but Max. Only love and friendship kept her from laughing. Lately, they saw each other every day. Max never thought she'd ever get back with Zack since they broke up. Still, since Cody died, Max felt a lot of pity and sorrow for him. Love came back to her for him as well, so it wasn't pure pity. She felt she had an obligation to fulfill by staying with him.

Thinking back to the time when Max first kissed Zack reminded him strongly of Cody. He remembered Cody making a big deal of Zack having kissed Max. Looking back, he'd often laugh with Cody when they reminded each other of it. Now, it just brought tears to Zack's eyes as he thought of his lost, late, twin brother Cody.

Zack knew he'd NEVER cheer up again, NEVER.

Zack opened his mouth. He meant to say goodbye to his brother. He tried for days. The funeral wasn't enough. He needed to say a real goodbye and a sorry to Cody, and he'd be a bit happier. Every time he opened his mouth though, he'd burst into more tears, and that's what happened again that time.

The door knocked. He fell to the floor in surprise, which embarrassed him when Max stood there. "Zack, are you ok?"

Zack dried his eyes and climbed on the bed, "No, not really."

"What's wrong?" she asked gently putting her arm around him.

"Max, I'm leaving for a bit, for a month or so," Zack mumbled.

"Why?"

"My mom thinks my dad could help me, so she's passing me over till he's back in town in a month or so," Zack said, biting his lower lip to stop himself crying again.

"Calm down Zack, we'll see each other again, right?"

"Yeah, I guess so, and I am calm," Zack said, half angrily, and half sadly.

Max hugged him, "Well, I'll miss you, but don't be long. Zack, I can help you. I know I can. I swear I can. Give me time, and I can do it."

Zack sobbed, "I know you can. I still have to go."

Max kissed his forehead and laid him down to rest for a bit. "I'll miss you, Zack."

Zack, since it was impossible for him to smile nowadays, merely screwed up his face, as if he was keeping from crying or laughing. "Bye Max, I'll see ya."


	14. Chapter 14

**Living through Death**

**Chapter 14: Kurt Martin **

Zack sat in the living room of the Suite, waiting for his dad to arrive. He doubted his dad would be able to do much. He didn't think his dad could do what Carey and Max failed to do. He didn't think anyone could help him, unless they told him Cody was back. Even now, a small part of Zack believed or more likely hoped that all this was a trick to get back at him for all the trick Zack played on Cody. Funnily enough, some of him hoped this was all a bad dream, but how could a dream hurt this much?

The door opened. Zack looked up, thinking it was Kurt, but Mr. Moseby came in. He walked past unnoticing Zack sitting on his left. Moseby had few words with Carey and then left, again unnoticing Zack, leaving the door open.

Carey walked out of the door and closing it behind her.

They must be doing something. Maybe he let her know dad's here, Zack thought. If it was true, Zack wasn't all as excited as he would've been. He remembered the days when they would hear about twice every year that Kurt was coming to visit, and they would literally jump up and down in excitement.

Those days were over. He knew that, and every time he thought of that, tears would roll down his cheeks.

The door opened again.

Again, Zack thought it was his dad, but it wasn't. It was Muriel. She went in to get the laundry. The door was left open. Zack found himself wishing someone would barge in and murder Zack on the spot and leave. Zack hardly thought life was worth living.

Muriel left the room and closed the door.

The door opened again. It was Arwin, there to fix the air conditioner broken in Carey's room. He didn't stay long. He had to leave sooner though. Was he that fast at fixing a broken AC? Maybe he left to get a screw driver or something, Zack thought quite correctly.

Once again the door opened. This time, Zack didn't look up thinking it was Esteban or someone. He didn't notice Carey coming in followed by Kurt. He too was silent for a bit, but for once someone turned and noticed Zack slumped on the chair, head down.

"C'mon buddy, it's time to go," Kurt said gently. "I'll bring you back in a month or so."

Zack forced himself up and faced Kurt. They kept their eyes on each other. After a while, Zack threw himself on Kurt's chest and sobbed. Why was Cody dead? Why did Zack have to suffer? Why?


	15. Chapter 15

**The Suite Life of Zack and Cody**

**Chapter 15: The Bus Ride**

"Bye mom," Zack said, looking down.

"Bye Zack, I'll see you soon," Carey said.

"Bye Zack," Max said, waving.

"Bye Max, I'll miss you," Zack said, hugging her.

"I'll bring him back within a month or so," Kurt promised.

"Just make sure he's happy again," Carey said.

"If I can," Kurt shrugged in a not very assuring way.

Zack followed his dad out after one last sad wave to his mom and Max.

Zack liked Kurt, Derik, and the rest of the band. He once spent a week with them when he ran away from home, because he couldn't stand Carey anymore. He was kind of looking forward to time out of the Tipton.

Zack climbed into the bus after his dad. He shook hands with Derik and the rest of the band, and sat on a cushion. He layed his head back and fell asleep. Kurt left him alone for a bit. He knew Zack needed it. He'd talk to Zack tomorrow.

"What's his problem?" one of the band asked Kurt.

"Nothing, he's depressed," Kurt answered.

"What happened?" Derik asked.

"Well, if you must know, he lost his twin," Kurt said. "If I were you, I'd leave him alone for a bit."


	16. Chapter 16

**The Suite Life of Zack and Cody**

**Chapter 16: New York**

The bus drove into New York State. Zack's tears dried up by now. He gave up on crying. It wasn't any use. He just spent his time sitting alone.

Carey always thought his crying was the regular depression stage, and he'd get over it soon, and go on with his life. After he stopped crying, Carey expected Zack to start talking to people again, but he didn't. He started spending time alone. He refused to talk to anyone but Max.

Kurt came in Zack's room and said, "Zack, we'll be stopping in New York City, and stay at a hotel for a bit," Kurt said.

Zack nodded.

"Are you ever going to talk to anyone again?" Kurt asked.

Zack shrugged. "I'm just waiting for life to end."

"It won't end for you soon Zack," Kurt said. "Just live through it."

Zack shook his head.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow," Kurt said, shaking his head and leaving the room.

Zack got up and looked out the window. A small tear leaked out. He lived in New York State once with Carey and Cody. It was in 2001, few years before they moved to Boston.

The bus went on for hours. Eventually, they passed New York State Park. More tears started running down his face. He played here once with Cody and their friends. He remembered painfully when Zack and his friend played a rotten trick on Cody. They spilt a jar of ants down his pants. Cody screamed in terror and ran inside to their mom, who grounded Zack for a week and forbade him from seeing their friends for two weeks.

"Why, why did I think of playing these tricks on him?" Zack asked himself over and over again.

Since Cody's death, Zack changed. He wasn't the prankster everyone once knew, but some depressed teenager trying to stay away from everyone.

"If Cody comes back, I'll never let him out of my sight," Zack promised himself. "I'll follow him wherever he goes and if he dies, I'll die with him."

Sadly, thinking and daydreaming of that only made it more painful. Zack opened his eyes and shook his head. He thought the tears were finished, but they started again. There was no getting away from them. Tears ran down his face again. He covered his eyes and started sobbing again. It was no use.


	17. Chapter 17

**The Suite Life of Zack and Cody**

**Chapter 17: The Long Talk **

The bus passed the demolition site of the World Trade Center. He remembered laughing at Cody's tears when the planes crashed into the buildings. Now, Zack thought of how terrifying it must've been for an eight year-old to watch as in one second, hundreds of lives were claimed. After, he thought of how heartless he must've been for not feeling a bit of sadness for what happened. Thinking of this, Zack even neglected the fact that he was too young to worry or care, and Cody was sensitive since two.

Zack lay back on his bed. He couldn't take any more of this depression. Why couldn't this just have been a dream? Why couldn't he have died? No, if it was the other way around, Cody would be the depressed one, perhaps even more due to his sensitivity. As usual, Zack was only thinking selfishly again. All Zack could wish was that he was dead with Cody.

He fell asleep thinking the same thing.

Kurt came in the room after giving Zack an hour of sleep. "Hey buddy, wake up."

Zack didn't stir.

Kurt walked over and rubbed his back to wake him up. Zack moved a bit, but didn't get up.

"C'mon Zack, buddy, get up, we need to talk," Kurt said.

"Leave me alone," Zack mumbled sleepily.

"You want few more hours?" Kurt offered.

"Never mind, I'll get up," Zack mumbled again. He got up. He gazed tiredly at his dad. "What do you want?"

"I took you for a reason," Kurt said.

Zack looked away. He didn't feel like talking about Cody now. Kurt interpreted the look on Zack's face correctly, but he couldn't leave it be now.

"Look, I know you're upset about Cody," Kurt said. "He was also my son."

"What do you care?" Zack said, folding his arms. "You don't even know us!"

Kurt was taken-aback, but Carey would never forgive him if he let that get to him. "See Zack, everyone has difficulty adjusting to some changes. It wasn't easy for me adjusting to the divorce Carey and I came up with. "I got used to it."

"It's not like you lost your own twin," Zack said. "Cody was like, my best friend."

"Zack, everyone loses something dear to them," Kurt said. "Besides, you never seemed to care much about him. You always made him feel down." These were the wrong words to say, and Kurt didn't realize it till it was too late.

"I never hated him," Zack said. "I never thought I'd lose him either! The last thing I said to him was something… I can't…" He burst into more sobs.

"Zack, if you let depression take hold of you, it can make you sick," Kurt warned.

Zack choked out sobs, "I- I don't care. I want it to end. I hate my l-life."

Kurt had no choice but to leave it there. He couldn't leave it alone though; He'd have to come back later. Carey was counting on him.


	18. Chapter 18

**The Suite Life of Zack and Cody**

**Chapter 18: Back Home**

Kurt tried talking to Zack for weeks until the bus travels and concerts nationwide took them back to Massachusetts. Since the first talk, nothing went well. Zack would either yell or walk out of the room quietly.

"Last time Zack," Kurt said. "Please, you must talk to me."

"No I don't," Zack said quietly.

"Zack, if you keep staying depressed like this, you're gonna get sick and die," Kurt said. "Listen to me, please."

"Where's the bad in that?" Zack asked sarcastically.

Kurt shook his head. Maybe Carey would have better luck the second time around. Zack was becoming incorrigible. The bus stopped at the Boston hotel for Zack before moving off again. Kurt waved from the window. Zack waved back reluctantly and continued back in the hotel. He knew Carey and Max would be up there waiting for him for they knew he was due back there today.

The first he saw was Max. She ran up and hugged him tightly. She actually thought Zack would be a bit happier?

"Are you alright, Zack?" Max asked.

Zack shook his head quickly.

Max kept her arm around his back and supported him up to the Suite where he met Carey.

"Honey, did it go ok?" Carey asked, hugging him as tightly as Max.

Zack shook his head again. He rubbed his eyes and walked off to the bedroom. He threw himself on his bed and looked over at Cody's bed again. Once again, there was no Cody. He forgot he was dead. He wished he could do something to remember Cody by, a little memento.

Zack actually like the idea, but there was nothing left Zack could see that he might keep in his sight at all times. He fell asleep, completely ignoring the little blue 'blankie' in the wardrobe.


	19. Chapter 19

**The Suite Life of Zack and Cody**

**Chapter 19: A New Solution**

Carey could hardly stand loneliness and quietness anymore. She began to sit in the lobby. There, she talked with Maddie about how Zack was acting. No one really blamed Zack, but Carey couldn't be blamed either. Zack was depressed and nothing seemed to work.

One day, Mr. Moseby walked up to Carey with a small paper in his hand. "Mrs. Martin, I've had an idea about Zack."

"Oh, do you?" Carey asked, almost eagerly.

"I know this Psychologist Professor Dr. Gregory Martz," Mr. Moseby said. "I suggest you let Zack see this Psychologist."

"I don't know if Zack will like that, he's been in a bad mood lately," Carey said.

"I will give you the number of the Doctor and it's your choice whether or not to call him, but he is expecting you," Moseby said, giving a paper formally.

Carey looked at the paper and back at Mr. Moseby. Should she? It was a good idea but would Zack agree?


	20. Chapter 20

**The Suite Life of Zack and Cody**

**Chapter 20: The Talk**

Carey approached Zack the next day and spoke.

"Zack honey, I need to talk to you," Carey said unsure of her actions now.

"What," he said shortly and moodily.

"Mr. Moseby suggested me…"

"What does the lazy bum want this time?" Zack asked.

"Zack, calm down, or you won't like what I need to say," Carey said.

"Don't say it then," Zack said.

"Zack, we're taking you to see a Psychologist," Carey said quickly.

"WHAT?" Zack yelled.

"Calm down…"

"NO!" he yelled. "I'm not seeing a Psychologist."

"It's not up to you," Carey said. "You're depressed and we're gonna do something about it."

"Mom, forget about it," Zack said firmly.

"Zack, you forget about it," Carey said. "I am giving you a week to lift your spirits, or else I will send you to a Psychologist. Not even your father could do anything."

Zack said nothing. He just left the room, even more miserable than before. If this didn't work, Carey thought, she'd give up. Zack was not at all doing well. It was bad enough he dropped out of school. Now he needed a Psychologist because not even his did could calm him down.


	21. Chapter 21

**The Suite Life of Zack and Cody **

**Chapter 21: The First Session**

Carey brought Zack into the small room where Kurt Martz sat behind a desk. Zack walked in and sat across the desk. He folded his arms. He still didn't want to be here, but Carey made him.

Mr. Kurt Martz looked into Zack's eyes, which bothered Zack a bit. His eyes were brown, with red hair above them. He wore thick glasses. His head was a bit thin and the build of his body was skinny and short.

"Mrs. Martin, you may leave us," Martz said. "It's best we were left alone."

Zack hated the way it went so far. He already didn't like Martz much and hated his mom for bringing him to his office. Zack watched as his mom left. He felt a bit better when she did.

"Ok, so tell me what happened," Martz said.

All hatred of Martz left Zack as he looked into his eyes. Martz stared into Zack's eyes the whole session. Zack didn't hesitate to answer, but said, "My brother died."

"Well, I lost my brother too some years back," Martz said.

"Was he your twin?" Zack tested.

"No, he wasn't, but my point is that everyone loses something dear to them sometime in their lives," Martz said honestly. "It's best to forget about it."

"I can't, he was my best friend," Zack said. "He- we were in a fight when he died. I never apologized or nothing."

"Tell me the story," Martz requested.

"We were fighting about something… stupid," Zack began. "A car ran over him, well almost. A car almost ran over him, but then he collapsed after we got back home. It turned out he had cancer or something, and he died in the hospital."

"Ok, firstly, you know that the car nearly hitting him nearly caused him to be shaken up, and this made the sickness take effect immediately after. You might call it like a heart attack, but in the form of cancer."

"I know that, I figured it out," Zack said quietly.

"Ok, I'm going to look over your story and call you back in some other time, ok?"

Zack nodded and left the room.


	22. Chapter 22

**The Suite Life of Zack and Cody**

**Chapter 22: The Second Session**

Zack walked in for the second time to face Martz, looking over papers. "I told you mother to keep watch over you, and tell me what you've been doing lately."

"My mother's been spying on me?" Zack asked.

"Yes, for important purposes," Martz justified. "Now, I need to talk with you about how you're acting."

Zack stayed quiet, even though he didn't like the fact his mother was following him behind his back.

"Carey told me you've been spending most of the last week with a…'special friend.'

"I lost all my friends since…"

"Since your brother died," Martz finished for him. "This friend is your girlfriend. But this friend of yours is the most important thing in your life right now. Without her, life wouldn't be worth living."

Zack's mind was forced to concentrate on that possibility. What if something happened and he couldn't see Max again? She was the only one left Zack could count on.

"Don't make me think of that," Zack said quietly. "Really, don't."

"You've also been spending time sleeping," Martz said next. "You've been eating quietly and alone. You immediately retire to your bed for half the day, see your girlfriend for few hours, and then come back home. It's nine by then, so you go to bed earlier than you used to. I can see quite plainly that you've been doing these things to get away from depression, right? You are happiest when you are with Max?"

"How'd you know her name?" Zack asked.

"Because I asked Carey for that," Martz replied. "What you need to do is bring her in next time, ok?"

"I don't think…"

"Bring her in, if she cares, she'll come which believe me she does," Martz said. "I've been there."


	23. Chapter 23

**The Suite Life of Zack and Cody**

**Chapter 23: The Third Session**

For the third session, Zack came in, but this time as Martz told him to do, he brought Max in the office. Zack could tell Max didn't like this but it's what Martz wanted and Carey didn't leave him alone about telling her until he did. Max walked in, shook his hand and sat next to Zack. Martz straightened his glasses and looked straight at the two of them. "So, you're Max?"

Max nodded.

"Well, I'm pleased, more than you can think," Martz said. "See, this boy is very depressed."

"I noticed, that's why I am watching over him," Max said.

"Feel free to speak as freely as you want, despite who might be here," Martz told her before going on. "So, how is it with Zack? Do you truly feel fine with him?"

"I enjoy every minute I spend with him, but I wish he'd be happier," Max said, giving Zack a sad look.

"Zack, how do you feel with her?" Martz asked without responding to Max's answer.

"Well, kind of dependent," Zack said honestly.

"That's the wrong road, stay independent," Martz said to him kindly.

"I can't," Zack said.

"It's connected with his… well… his brother," Max said. "I mean, who can blame him?"

"But see, that is why I am here," Martz said simply. "This will be the last session, and I can only hope he'll remember what I say to him. Zack, it's important you stay independent. It is more important you go through life. You have the whole life ahead of you. You cannot spend the rest of it in depression."

"What else am I supposed to do?" Zack tested. "It's hard! I find it very difficult to even sleep. If what you said is true, and the near accident with a car just quickened the major effects of cancer, it truly is my fault!"

"Don't you realize he would've gone anyway?" Martz pointed out.

"Yes but… every year we used to have a health checkup. His was due in less than a week from then. We would've known, and we might've been able to stop it before it completely took over."

Max and Martz stayed silent on this. Satisfied he got them thinking, he continued, "I mean, if that's the case, it is my fault. I killed him! Cody is dead because of me. It would not have happened if it wasn't for me." Zack said all this without stopping. When finally he paused, he seemed to realize Cody was out of his life forever, and talking about his fault wasn't going to help. "He's… dead. He's gone."

"Yes," Max said tentatively. "He is."

"Do me a favor since this is the last time I see you," Martz said. "Don't give in to depression. That is sticking in between the stages of grief. Depression is one of the additional two, the ones some get stuck in when the loss is too much. Don't make yourself one of these people."

Zack nodded. He'd try, but he doubted it would work.

"You Max, you help him, ok?" Martz said. "Can I count on you for that?"

Max nodded.

"Then we part," Martz said, getting up. He saluted them out the door.


	24. Chapter 24

**The Suite Life of Zack and Cody**

**Chapter 24: The Miserable Life of Zackary Martin Memories I **

Night fell, and Zack opened a book. Since Cody died, he's taken to looking through albums. Tears fell from his eyes. He missed him so much. He went through picture after picture, memories flooding into him.

"_Zack, will you play with me?" five year-old Cody asked his twin. _

"_No, I'm not in the mood," Zack said, sitting back on the sofa. _

"_C'mon, I wanna play hide and seek," Cody said, climbing on the sofa and onto Zack. _

"_Leave me alone," Zack said, annoyed. _

"_No, I wanna play," Cody laughed. _

_Zack pushed him off, but Cody's tight grip sent Zack on the floor too. In seconds, they were both rolling on the floor, into a table. The glass vase on the table fell off the other side and broke. _

_Zack and Cody stayed quiet for few seconds before yelling from upstairs broke out. "What happened?" _

_Rushing feet were heard coming down the stairs. "What broke? Is anyone hurt?" Kurt said concernedly. _

"_Err…"_

_Cody untangled himself from Zack. "It was an accident."_

"_You both could've been hurt or worst!" Carey scolded, coming down the stairs as well. _

"_Carey, take them up to their room," Kurt said tiredly. _

"_Alright, take the aggressive one," Carey said. Kurt grabbed Zack, who was flailing in vain. _

Those were the days. Zack wiped his eyes. Why did Cody have to go?


	25. Chapter 25

**The Suite Life of Zack and Cody**

**Chapter 25: The Miserable Life of Zackary Martin Memories II**

He turned the page to another picture. He literally burst into tears when he turned to a picture of Cody trying his new bike out.

_They were seven. One year before the divorce, Cody was trying a new bike out. _

_Zack was already riding a two-wheeler, laughing because Cody couldn't even have the guts to ride a four-wheeler. _

"_Zack, stop laughing at your brother," Carey demanded. _

_Zack was red from laughter, "I can ride a two-wheeler and he can't even ride a four? You call us twins, we're the same!"_

_Cody just got angry and ran inside, crying. _

_Zack continued laughing. "Zack, you're grounded. Go to your room!"_

"_If you catch me, I'll come quietly," Zack challenged, and rode away laughing. _

_Carey shook her head. "Has to come back sometime," She said to herself. "The longer you're gone, the longer you're in trouble!" she yelled after him. _

_After hearing the threat, Zack turned around and came back. _

_Carey took him by the arm and dragged him inside. "Learn to be nicer to your brother. He's your twin! If something happened to him, you'd be begging for emotional mercy!"_

_Zack turned sour-faced and scowled at his mom, earning him the rest of the day locked in a closet. When they let him out at eight, he was sent to bed without dinner, and had to apologize to Cody._

When Zack remembered that day, he nodded to himself, drying his eyes. He did something wrong and his mom was right. He lost Cody and he found himself in a state of endless depression. Zack was in the kind of depression he might never fully recover from.

He sniffed again. He wiped his eyes. It was no use. He fell into more tears. "Come back Cody, don't leave me here."

"Zack, yelling for Cody won't bring him back," Max's voice said from behind him.

Zack turned his head, and saw Max standing behind him. She wiped his eyes and kissed him gently. "Calm down."

"How did you get here?" Zack asked.

"I'm here to look after you," Max said. "Your mom asked me to stay the night with you."

Zack nodded. He buried his head in Max again, tears falling down. "I will never get over this. I don't want any more hurt."


	26. Chapter 26

**The Suite Life of Zack and Cody**

**Chapter 26 The Miserable Life of Zackary Martin Memories III**

Max wrapped her arms around Zack shaking head. He was going to go out of control if he didn't have someone hold him in place, and that was what Max was doing. "I... I remember something else," Zack cried. "Max, I… I loved him, deep down. I loved him so much. I didn't want him to go."

Max stroked his hair and said calmly, "Zack, I know you loved him. I could see plainly."

"I never showed him how much I… how much I cared," Zack sobbed. "Why'd he go?"

_Zack brought Cody some water. Cody shook his head violently. "Here, take it and drink." _

_Cody silently took it and drank up. _

"_Feeling ok?" Zack asked. _

"_Not really," Cody sniffed. "I feel weak."_

"_Mom said it's a fever," Zack said. "Do you know what a fever is?"_

"_My head is hot, constant headaches, kind of the opposite of the flu," Cody said weakly. "Plus, I feel kind of dizzy."_

_Zack sat down on Cody's bed. "Do you want me to read you a story?"_

_Cody let out a small laugh, "Zack, you can hardly read."_

"_You can help me," Zack said. "We'll read it together, c'mon."_

"_If you insist," Cody gave in. _

_Zack crawled over on the bed to the bookshelf beside it. He got Sherlock Holmes the Hound of Bakersville. He opened it and began to read. _

_They spent the rest of the night looking at the book. Zack actually found it quite interesting when he was with Cody. He never bothered to read anything when he was alone unless he was forced to study. When Cody fell asleep, Zack went into the covers and closed his eyes too. _

That was the best memory Zack had of Cody and the one that him cry more. Zack fell into his bed. He spent the rest of the night gazing at a picture of Cody. Max watched him till he fell asleep, then she closed her own eyes. She felt for him.


	27. Chapter 27

**The Suite Life of Zack and Cody**

**Chapter 27: Something More**

Max and Zack spent the most of next Saturday sitting quietly on a bench. Zack took a last bite from a meat sandwich and got up. "Coming?" he asked Max.

"Yeah, give me a minute," Max replied, taking another bite.

Zack made to sit back down. Before he could sit though, Max said, "Just go, I'll catch up."

Zack nodded. He turned around and left. He was few feet away when he crossed the street, and Max called to him, "Wait up."

Zack turned and waited. Max ran over. When she made it to the street, there was a loud beep. Zack looked to the left of his girlfriend. He opened his mouth in horror to cry out a warning, but too late. A zoom of red whizzed over Max. There was a cloud of smoke and a scream. In Zack's mind, the same thought of prayer was running through it, _No, she didn't die. She survived. She got away. She'll run through the smoke, probably in fear. She'll run beside me and we'd run to the cops together. She'll be ok. She's not dead._

It didn't work. Paramedics rushed over to the scene. They carried the girl's body out. Zack ran over, praying she was alive.

"She your sister?" asked one of the doctors. Zack shook his head quickly and fearfully. Tears were running down his cheek again, but for the first time in days, for something else besides Cody. "I'm sorry, she's gone."

Zack shook his head and ran away. He ran far away. He didn't ever want to come back. He's had it with the harsh side of life and nature. He hated it. He wanted it to end.

He stopped. He looked on the street. Cars were going to come and go. First Cody died, and then Max died. Why not Zack? Why should he suffer? He walked out on the street, facing up to the sky. "You've claimed Cody's soul. You've taken Max's life. You can have mine too. Do you hear me? I'm GIVING YOU MY LIFE!" he yelled as a car beeped loudly.


	28. Chapter 28

**The Suite Life of Zack and Cody**

**Chapter 28: The Dream**

_I miss you, Cody._

_You miss me? Yeah, and I thought you hated me, Zack._

_I swear I don't, I was just angry._

_I know, and I'm happy where I am._

_I can't tell. Where are you?_

_I'm in front of you._

Zack's world went white. He could see nothing except himself. Or he thought it was himself at first sight, but looking more closely, he saw the skinnier face of Cody. "Brother, my brother, you're alive!"

"Sorry, but I'm still dead," Cody said sadly.

"Cody, give me one more chance, I swear I'll treat you better," Zack swore.

"Zack, I know," Cody assured him. "All brothers fight. Twins fight more than others. It was a normal feud that went between us."

"Cody, I was really unfair," Zack admitted. "But, it doesn't matter. I'm with you now. I'm sorry, but I'll treat you better now."

"Zack, you're still alive," Cody told him.

"What? No, a car hit me. I'm dead, like you."

"No, the car hit the brakes in time, well almost," Cody laughed. "You're unconscious in the hospital bed."

"If I'm alive, I'll jump out the Tipton window. I don't want to live anymore. I can't bear to see Max's body."

"I promise you, Zack, it'll be ok," Cody said gently. "I am ok and happy. Believe me. What'll make me happier is if you lived life the way you're supposed to."

"I can't," Zack pleaded. "Let me stay here, with you, please."

"It's not your time," Cody said, a sense of regret in his voice. "I wish we could've grown up together, but it's not meant like that. Don't worry Zack, I'll be waiting patiently for you, I swear."

Zack sniffed, "You promise I'll be ok," he sobbed.

"Yes," Cody said, trying to hold his own tears back. "Live, Zack, I beg you." Zack hugged his brother. Cody hugged him back, tears falling down. He too sobbed, "Zack, I'll miss you, but I'm waiting."

Slowly, Zack's world went black once again and he opened his eyes to color and sound. Above him, he saw a familiar face. He opened his mouth in surprise.


	29. Chapter 29

**The Suite Life of Zack and Cody**

**Chapter 29: The Memory of Cody Martin**

"Max, you're alive!"

"I was saved before it was too late," Max said, smiling. "I'm like you. We were both very lucky. Someone up there loves us. The car hit the brakes and it hit me when it was at a slow speed."

"I-Max I- don't ever scare me like that again," Zack said seriously.

"Same to you, dude!" Max said, seriously. "You had me worried. I'd have woken up to a dead boyfriend. I want you to be happy. Remember what Martz said?" For the first time in a very long time, Zack smiled. Tears fell from Max's eyes and rolled down her cheeks.

"I'll be ok, Max," Zack assured her.

When they got out, Zack went back to the Tipton. He spent an hour or so searching through a box till he found it. He smirked as he pulled a blue cloth out. "Blankie. Cody, you were a baby. I think that's why I miss you more than usual. It's a cruel thing killing a child."

He felt happier than he felt in days. This was what Zack had to keep. This had Cody in it. He knew it. Cody always held the blanket when he was scared or lonely. Now, Zack had to keep it, only when he felt he needed Cody. He put it on his bed. What more? He also took many of his favorite pictures from the album and framed them. When Zack went to bed that night, he smiled. He held on to Cody's old blanket. He had a feeling he'd see Cody again in his dream, as long as he held the blanket. This helped him get through life a bit better. Still, he never went back to school.

School or no school, he was happier. He still cried sometime when he remembered the best times he had with his brother, but he was happier. Yes, Zack went through life better than he thought he would.


	30. Chapter 30

**The Suite Life of Zack and Cody**

**Chapter 30: Epilogue: The Last Days**

When Zack got older and Max finished her school and picked a college out, she married Zack.

Zack was very grateful. He loved her very much for looking after him. He never asked for it. They had one child.

Zack looked at the boy with blond hair. He felt he reminded him of someone. "Cody, your name is Cody."

Max looked at him from the bed, "Cody?"

"Yes," Zack said, nodding. "My late brother." Tears came in his eyes.

When Cody became old enough, he took the blanket from his bed and gave it to his son. "This is from your… uncle. If he was alive, you'd have loved him, but fate had other plans.

"Will I ever see him?" Cod asked squeakily.

"Maybe one day, when we're all… you know… when we're all… gone."

"He's always in your father," Max said calmly. "Your dad loved him very much."

Zack wiped his eyes. He never truly got over what happened. He knew Cody forgave him. That part of him was at peace. He wanted Cody back. That part of him stayed till the day he died, when he knew he'd see Cody in only few minutes. Zack died young. He was only thirty-five when he left the world forever. The cancer inside him was spreading too fast. Before the effects of the medicine could take place, it was all over his body. It was time for him to go. He didn't mind, but he felt for Max who sobbed, "I'll miss you." He had the same cancer Cody died from. He knew from the beginning of the sickness he was going to die.

"Take care of Cody," he sighed. "He's only ten."

"Say hi to your brother from me," Max smiled sadly.

"I will," Zack said, turning his head. He slowly closed his eyes. Finally, it was over. He could see his brother growing clearer. At the same time, Zack felt himself getting younger. He belonged with his brother. He belonged as his twin, forever.

_A/N: Sorry, but I have to end it now. I can't go on forever and it's been a while. It was originally going to be fifteen chapters, but I doubled it if you all remember. I have one thing to say though. The credit of the ending of Zack having a dream of Cody, telling him it's ok and that he does something in Cody's memory all goes to NixyAngel. She gave me that idea. Credit for the ending goes to her and her only. The only parts I put in were the dramatic car scene, WHAT he does in Cody's memory, and his son were mine, but they're not much. I refuse to accept credit for the ending as these parts would not have come without the suggestion._

_Thank you, Nixy. _

_Now, another thank you note. I know that if I continued this story, it would've been my second best after Time at Military School. Boy, that one stays in my memory. This was almost as good. It's just that fewer reviews came in later on. Still, thank you all for reading. _

_I believe you want to know why I wrote this story. I don't know if I already said. I wanted a challenge. I gave myself one. I decided to write a story that is so emotional, it would make readers cry. So, I wrote it. When I got reviews saying, 'I cried,' I had mixed feelings of elation and guilt. I was so happy yet so guilty. I made that happen. It told me I accomplished my goal, but at the same time, caused a few breakdowns. I would jump up with joy, and then sit down and think to myself, 'what have I done?' _

_I can't thank you all enough. Now I know I can write dramatic stories. Now, for a harder challenge. Let me think…_

_Bye. Thanks again. _


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